Monday, 6 July 2009

Palin shows how deeply she cares for the people of Alaska

So Sarah Palin is to resign as governor of Alaska. Criticise her as we may, I’m in no doubt that through this final act of her term in office, she has made a real contribution to the lives of her constituents and relieved of them of a genuinely painful burden.

On the other hand, for someone who nurtures long term ambitions of high office, it seems an inexplicable move. So I’ve devoted some time to trying to understand how she reached her decision.

Here, as a modest contribution to what I hope will be the short-lived science of Palinology, are my suggestions of possible motivations for Sarah’s resignation:

1. Those nice people in the Republican Party nationally bought her such a lovely set of clothes during the presidential campaign. But they’re just so 2008 now. She needs to track those guys down again to get something more up to date.

2. She’s realised that what the American people most needed from Bush was that he resign, and she’s decided to learn the lesson and do the people of Alaska the favour he refused the nation.

3. She’s decided that having failed in getting her ex-brother-in-law fired as an Alaskan state trooper, there’s little she can usefully achieve as Governor and has decided to work on a less ambitious project.

4. It’s a mountain and Mahomet thing: media people aren’t travelling to Juneau to see her so she’s planning on moving closer to them, as she misses the mockery.

5. She’s decided to spend more time with her family. No, hang on: I’ve just remembered what her family is like. Scratch that as a motivation, it doesn’t stack up.

6. She’s realised that though Obama may often impress, perhaps even occasionally disappoint, he doesn’t inspire belly laughs the way she did during the campaign. So out of spontaneous generosity, she’s decided to free up some time so she can once more inject into national political life in the US some of the buffoonery that became her hallmark in the autumn.

7. Some smart adviser has told her that the governorship of Alaska is hardly an adequate springboard for a campaign for the White House. So she’s given it up and instead will launch her campaign as a housewife from Alaska.

8. She’s motivated by the purest altruism towards the Republican Party. She knows that by standing down she can at a stroke increase the average IQ of Republican holders of State Governorships. Conversely, if she’s successful in her bid for the White House, she can increase the average IQ of Republican Presidents in the 21st Century.

There may of course be other explanations for Palin’s behaviour. These are the ones that appeal to me, but if you have your own, do please share them.

Particularly if they add to the general mirth to which she has already contributed so extensively.

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