The thrill of bed hopping

For aeons, indeed probably for as long as men – and quite a few women – have possessed the skill of cunning, bed hopping has been one of the great pastimes of mankind.

In the traditional form, it’s being in a bed with someone other than your partner that gives the experience its spice. Trouble is, that comes with a lot of baggage, not much of it enjoyable: suffering, recrimination and ultimately divorce. Why, it can lead to Aids, for God’s sake.

Things aren't a lot better even if you’re using the bed for its other purpose, the one that in truth it actually serves for a much higher proportion of the time. When it comes to sleeping, most people agree that no bed is more comfortable than their own. Obliged from time to time to spend nights in hotels, I rarely wake as rested as I do at home.

All of which suggests that bed hopping isn't quite what it's been cracked up to be. Not a bed of roses, in fact.

So I’m indebted to Danielle, my wife, for introducing me to a form of the game that avoids all the disadvantages. On the bed that I like to think of as ‘ours’ even if we’re not sleeping in it, we have a ‘memory’ mattress that allegedly ‘remembers’ the shape of our bodies and moulds itself to them. Now I find it perfectly comfortable. Danielle, on the other hand, believes that its memory only reminds it of all the ways it can shape itself to cause maximum discomfort to her back.

So every few months she decides it’s time for us to sleep on something a little harder. Like the other bed, in the guest room. And that’s where we went last night. As we only moved here a couple of months ago, it was the first time I’d slept in that room. It’s actually the master bedroom, but because it’s at the front of the house and exposed to the noise of the road, we prefer to use the smaller bedroom at the back.

A different bed in a new room! Just how exciting can life be? And the knowledge that I could enjoy this deliciously fresh experience without leaving home only made the prospect all the sweeter. The fact that I would be sharing it with a woman who happened to be the same woman didn't detract from the pleasure either – after all, who needs all that hassle?

Bed hopping without danger. Win-win all round.

Apparently it’s doing Danielle’s back some good, too. Though she didn’t sleep that well. The road, you understand. She’ll be using ear plugs tonight.