The logo that spells discord

We’re getting terribly excited in London about the forthcoming Olympics, now less than a year and a half away. The place is being absolutely plastered with the logo.

Ubiquitous logo

Those Olympics are already proving a tremendous success. As is well known, the primary purpose of the Olympic movement is to foster discord between nations. These particular Olympics set the right tone from the outset, when the French had their noses put completely out of joint by not winning the competition to the stage them. I mean, then President Chirac knew it was in the bag for Paris, so he went round irritating other nations on the International Olympic Committee. For instance, he made some derogatory comments about Finnish cooking. After all, who cares about the Finns? Poor old Chirac. The Finnish delegation’s votes turned out to be pretty essential.

There was never any danger of our behaving that way, of course. I mean, given the traditional delights available in English cuisine, we were never going to cast aspersions on others. Not even on the Finns. Dried reindeer meat? Bring it on. It can’t be worse than smoky bacon crisps.

More recently, the Iranians have got upset about the logo itself. They reckon the it spells the word ‘Zion’. Funnily enough, the US television presenter, Glenn Beck, who has left no doubt concerning the moderation and liberalism of his views, agreed with them.

The Iranians feel that the logo demonstrates that the international Jewish conspiracy has been exerting its malign influence. Again.

Now this is obviously rubbish, and on at least three counts.

1. I don’t believe there’s any such a thing as an international Jewish conspiracy. Or if there is, let me just point out to the people behind it, that my mother is Jewish which automatically qualifies me for membership. So I deeply resent the fact that no-one has ever tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘hey, want to join this conspiracy?’ World domination – I’d be into that like a shot. I could become a banker and get paid a hell of a sight more for doing a lot less work.
2. If there were such a conspiracy, no-one with the brains to organise it would ever waste their time getting the word ‘Zion’ into the London Olympic logo. What? You think they might feel that words like ‘Zion’ and ‘Zionism’ aren’t getting enough exposure in the world press already? That Jews don’t get enough publicity?
3. The word is obviously not ‘Zion’ anyway. If it’s anything, it’s ‘Zior’. My guess is that ‘Zior’ is a word in some long-lost language meaning ‘bloody ugly logo’

The worst of it? It’s plastered all over London.