A helpful new lexicon for Corbyn times

The shots in the British Labour Party are today being called by our blessed leader Jeremy Corbyn and his fan base, the faction known as Momentum. 

Sorry, not a faction but a movement. Or rather, sorry, not a movement but a loose collection of like-minded individuals who take their support of the Party to a level beyond the comprehension of us mere mortals.

Dedicated as I am to public service, it struck me that it might be useful to provide some insights into the new terms, or old terms with new meanings, now being used within the Party. This should aid understanding between the truly enlightened (the above mentioned Jeremy and his Momentum brethren) and us, the poor benighted, striving to improve ourselves.

Corbyn 

A ‘corbyn’ is a dead end, but the term has the implication that those who went down it did so deliberately and were labouring under the belief that it led to a wonderful new land where peace and plenty abound. 

Revered leader or dead end?

Blairite 

1. In common usage: a supporter of former PM Tony Blair still not reconciled to the notion that several hundred thousand Iraqi lives and a huge increase in international terrorism was rather too high a price for small steps forward in a vaguely social-democratic direction  
2. In the mouths of people stuck in a corbyn: anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to avoid getting stuck in a corbyn 

Red Tory 

1. In common usage: a member of the Labour Party who only joined because the Tories wouldn’t give him a safe seat (viz. John Stonehouse) (and if you don’t know who John Stonehouse was, just be grateful)  
2. At the far end of a corbyn: anyone who thinks that winning is a lot more useful, when it comes to actually getting things done, than hanging out with your mates at the far end of a corbyn. 

Plotter 

1. In common usage: someone organising an underhand, clandestine and treacherous movement against a much-loved individual to whom we owe a duty of loyalty.  
2. Bottled up at the bottom of a corbyn: a Labour MP who thinks their first duty is to their voters and, if the leader is going down a dead end inhabited only by his mates, he ought to be moved aside and replaced by someone who knows what she or he is doing

Leader  

1. in common usage: someone who leads the way forwards 
2. for the inhabitants of a corbyn: a revered individual of semi-divine character who takes his acolytes into a comforting dead end where they can full express their admiration of him 

Mandate 

A ‘Mandate’ (always capitalised, sometimes ‘the Mandate’) is the authority granted to a hermetically isolated group backed by a self-selected electorate convinced that, in politics, self-righteousness is an excellent substitute for effectiveness. 

Success 

The preservation of a purity that surpasseth mere human understanding, and a self-righteousness that approacheth saintliness, even at the cost of coming fifth in a four-horse race.