Marks and Spencer, ever the early bird

I’m intensely grateful to Marks and Spencers, worthiest of British retail outlets, for having printed an uplifting sentiment on the soles of my slippers.

Inspirational message on M&S slipper soles

However, I have to say that the gesture does raise a few awkward questions.

First of all, just who do they expect to be reading my soles?

I mean, I generally walk on them. Perhaps M&S hope I’ll put them up on the coffee table so someone sitting opposite me can read the message. It’s true that I do tend to prop my feet on the table when I can but, hey, I do usually take my slippers off first. What do they think? That I’m a slob all the time?

Maybe M&S are just looking after my spiritual wellbeing. After all, slippers bring comfort to the feet, so perhaps the inspirational words are there so M&S can be seen to be taking care of body and sole together.

But, secondly, the words themselves. The early bird catches the worm? I’ve never got that saying. I mean, someone really thinks the prospect of catching a worm is going to get me out bed early? Dream on. As I intend to.

No, the only creature that would get up betimes to catch a worm would be the bird, just like it says in the proverb itself.

Now here’s the problem. I understand that this is an important principle for birds to master (though it’s not quite so salutary, let me point out in passing, for the poor old worms).

And here’s the rub: when did you last see a bird wearing slippers?