Isn’t the British cowboy builder a delight to behold?
We had one do some work on our house while we were still living in England. His colleagues, or partners in crime as they're known technically, destroyed bits of our furniture they’d promised to protect, they left the place in a ruinous mess, and they even broke new accessories that they were installing.
“Nah, nah,” the cowboy-in-chief – I’ll call him Terry – assured us, “my dad was doing the work and he’s been a builder for forty years. He’d never break a part like that.”
Yeah, but it wasn’t broken when he started work on it, we’d not been near the place, and it was broken when he finished. Hard to think of any other explanation of how the damage was done.
“I know where your sons live,” Terry snarled at me, “you want to watch it. Also tell them to keep looking over their shoulders.”
That took my breath away. I’d heard that kind of line in TV series before but never in real life. I didn’t think he’d make good on his threat, but I was still gobsmacked that he’d even spat it out at me.
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| After the cowboy builders have been through |
Ah, yes, the cowboy builder. Most Brits laugh at him but loathe him.
Imagine this (fictitious) scenario. Harry’s had some work done by Terry (it may be a different Terry). He’s added an extra room and bathroom to a house which Harry’s subdivided and lets out, room by room, for income.
“He told me that in the end it would cost me nothing or next to nothing,” Harry tells his friend Steve in the pub, “because there’s a grant that covers practically the whole cost of the work. And the extra income would be pure bonus and great to have.”
“And did the grant come through?” asks Steve.
“Well, not yet. He did put in a request for it but it doesn’t seem to have happened. And maybe it won’t ever happen, to be honest. Recently he just hasn’t been talking about it anymore.”
“What a shyster!”
“No, no. He’s a great guy. Really reliable and trustworthy.”
“So he did a good job on the building work, at least?”
Harry shakes his head with a wry smile.
“Well, no, actually, not really. There’s some major work to be done still. Including some repairs to the original build.”
“I suppose that’s covered by the guarantee though, right?”
“To be honest, that’s what I thought too, but it’s true that I never got a signed guarantee and there’s nothing that obliges him to cover that kind of work for free. But not to worry – I’ve got some savings and I can pay the extra fee.”
Laughable, right? No one would do that. Except – compare that story with this piece of non-fiction.
During the Brexit referendum campaign Boris Johnson had himself photographed next to the campaign bus on whose side was prominently painted the promise that Brexit would produce an extra £350 million a week for the National Health Service. So that’s the equivalent of the grant Terry promised Harry. And like Terry, Johnson’s stopped talking about it ever since.
Brexit was also going to produce a huge boost to the British economy with brand new trade deals around the world. So that’s like the extra income Terry claimed Harry would earn. And like that income, that still hasn’t materialised. To be honest, it seems highly unlikely that it will ever amount to any significant amount, and certainly not enough to compensate for the income lost due to Brexit.
Brexit and the Covid pandemic on top of ten years of funding cuts have left the NHS gasping for resources. That’s like the extra work that Harry has to carry out. Since the promise of £350 million a week extra thanks to Brexit hasn’t been kept, which is like the guarantee Harry failed to obtain from Terry, the extra funding is going to have to come from new taxes.
The fact that a large number of Brits continue to trust Boris Johnson and, apparently, want to vote for him again, is just like Harry’s continued faith in Terry. Which makes me question whether all Brits really distrust and dislike the cowboy shysters as much as they sometimes claim. After all, they elected one to the highest office in the land, and apparently intend to again, which means they’re telling him “We liked being deceived by you before so much that we want you to do it once more, and don’t worry, we'll reward whatever lies you come up with by giving you your heart’s desire – fame and recognition – all over again.”
Do you think they’re worried that he might know where their kids live?
3 comments:
I believe every leave voter was fully aware that there was a price to pay for leaving. What they wanted to leave was a bureaucratic organisation that said do as I say rather than listening to the people and doing as they say. The EEC was fine the EU is far from fine it behaved as if membership was compulsory when the UK voted to leave which strengthened the view of leave voters.
That's right, at least we have control now: our politicians no longer tell us to do as they say and then behave differently, they listen to the people and have not raised our taxes. They are levelling up our country by providing huge employment opportunities in trucking, healthcare and hospitality. They have increased efficiency in our supermarkets by having a supply chain system that fails to keep up with demand. They are pushing for a massive green agenda by considering opening up coal mines and exploring new oil opportunities in the North Sea. They have the highest COVID numbers in the EU, both our number of positive cases and deaths are world leading. They have been leaders in deploying vaccines to its population and are not being overtaken by every other EU member state...
Davide isn't actually me, Caroline, but I agree with what he says. He, incidentally, still lives in the UK, though not in England. He certainly knows what he's talking about.
As for me, I thought Britain stood on the brink of being a remarkable and generous nation at the beginning of this century. It seemed, at last, to have put all that ghastly imperial grandeur business behind it. Under its first Prime Minister to have been born since World War 2, it looked as though it was truly emerging as a modern nation, outward looking, aware that it was no longer a world power but could still influence the way the world was going, by collaborating with the other states of Europe.
Oh, Lord, how far it's fallen since then! Much of the fall, sadly, under that same Prime Minister, when he couldn't find it in him to resist the nonsensical urgings of an inept US President. The country has become cold, inward-looking, contemptuous of others. It appals me that so many people are upset that Britain has been forced to pull out of the misguide imperial adventure in Afghanistan, but are so hostile towards the people who made the mistake of allying themselves with us and now ask for refuge.
No, I'm horribly disappointed by what Britain has become, in its small-mindedness and its descent into isolation. With, as Davide points out, itself as its own first victim. Lamentable.
Incidentally, I know a few Carolines. Which are you?
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