Grandparenting a philosopher and a budding secret agent

Last week, spent with the grandkids, was as much of an eye-opener as my time with them always is.

I enjoyed watching Elliott, now soon to turn four, working on his skills at hide and seek. It’s particularly amusing in the kids’ bedroom hiding from their dad, my son Nicky. Matilda is effective at this, as she crawls under the bed or into some such well-protected place. Elliott, on the other hand, just moves beyond bits of furniture but without hiding behind them. So the furniture becomes a series of obstacles to get to him but doesn’t prevent anyone seeing him. In fact, he’s in full view, if inconvenient to reach. 

Elliott hidden in plain sight
Perhaps a tad too visible?

This reveals one of two things. Maybe he needs to think a little harder about the notion of ‘hiding’, perhaps considering that it means moving to a place where you can’t be seen. On the other hand, however, he’s possibly revealing a remarkable sophistication in one so young and beginning to work on the paradoxical concept, particularly developed by secret agents, that there’s no better place to hide a thing, or oneself, than in plain sight. 

I admit, though, that if this is the case, it still means that he needs to refine his approach a little – perhaps hiding in plain sight doesn’t work all that well when you’re the only person visible and you’re hiding from your dad – but even so, I reckon that his willingness to handle such challenging notions at all, shows remarkable precocity.

The most striking aspect of my visit concerned none of this, however, but Matilda’s ever-deepening exploration of philosophy.

The outstanding sixteenth-century French philosopher Montaigne once wrote that to do philosophy is to learn to die. I mentioned before that the kids have become aware of death, even to the point of understanding that they too have an ultimate appointment with the grim reaper.

Matilda is coming to terms with all this. By no means with casual acceptance. In fact, she seems to share Dylan Thomas’s view, ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’.

‘Mummy,’ she recently told Sheena, ‘I’m mad at you because I didn’t want to be born, because I don’t want to die.’

Yes. It’s the great predicament of humanity, or any species that is aware of death. Even an otherwise rather inferior novel I recently read referred to it. A character announced that no one deserves to be born, but once born, no one deserves to die.

Ours is a cruel and incomprehensible destiny. 

    Into this Universe, and Why not knowing
    Nor Whence, like Water willy-nilly flowing 

wrote Edward Fitzgerald in his extremely loose but brilliant translation of the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám. 

Since our fate makes no sense, it’s up to us to try to find some sense in it. It seems that Matilda’s working on that too.

‘We’re born to get our turn at life,’ she recently announced, ‘and when we die, we let other people have their turn.’

Once we’d absorbed this pronouncement, she asked us whether we perhaps get another turn later. Sheena tried to provide some comfort by explaining that there are people who believe in reincarnation. I said nothing, because I don’t think there’s any comfort for what strikes me as the fundamental discomfort of being.

Fortunately, not every moment of the visit was quite that profound or challenging to the soul. I was mainly there to help get the kids to school, pick them up again and entertain them some of the time. This was to allow Sheena to visit her own family in Belfast without Nicky having to take a whole week off work.

Entertaining Elliott and Matilda:
enjoying the river made in the park by three weeks of rain,
where no river existed before

Entertaining the kids:
when all else failed, watching The Lion Guard for the nth time,
where n is a large positive integer

Entertaining the kids:
Daddy did his bit whenever he had the time

Now I have to say that I’m not a natural when it comes to looking after young kids. I tend to be impatient. I don’t always exercise the level of control I should. Elliott rather proved that point on this trip by ignoring my plea not to cross a road on his own. He ran across in front of a bunch of cars and then, having reached the other side, turned around and ran back. He emerged from the experience unhurt, I’m glad to say, and entirely unruffled, but I was left a nervous wreck.

Because none of this comes naturally to me, I find myself constantly trying to find ways to amuse the kids when I’m out with them. Take the walk to school, for instance. There’s a last steep climb up a hill to reach the school grounds. Each time we got there, I would push the kids up, or for variety, pull them up, making heavy weather of the exercise, panting loudly and stopping from time to time as if to get my breath back. This was deemed to be high comedy.

The last hill to school
Where a granddad to push or pull comes in useful

The best occasion, though, was the morning we walked to school with each of them holding one of my hands. This meant we formed a unit too wide for the pavement (OK, OK, transatlantic friends: the sidewalk). The solution, whenever we reached one of the (adult-)waist-high bollards that line the pavement, was that one child or the other (depending on which side of the street we were on) would pass to the outside of the bollard while I lifted our conjoined hands over the obstacle. This, it turns out, was highly enjoyable (I confess that even I found it fun). To enhance the enjoyment, I accompanied the action with a sound effect – ‘wheeee-yoop’ – each time. Both the action and the sound were well received.

Even better were the moments when we hit (in my case literally) a lamppost or signpost. I’d walk into it. Then we’d go through a pantomime of stepping backwards and working our way round the obstacle till we could walk on without letting go of our hands. This wasn’t just amusing, it was, apparently, hilarious.

‘It’s such fun going to school like this,’ Matilda told me.

I’m sure you can imagine what a joy it was to me, diffident as I am about my ability to look after the kids, to hear such high praise.

It leaves me quite optimistic. I tend to get on better with kids as they get older. If I can amuse them now, who knows what might not be possible later?